You lost her weeks before she actually broke up with you. You lost her when her eyes met someone else’s and ventured too far into their smile that you couldn’t get her back. You lost her between their exchanged hellos and you lost her when she realized she never really knew what love was with you. You felt it like a bullet in the back that knocked the breath out of you but somehow part of you tried to breathe through your punctured lungs until you heard the words coming out of her mouth for the last time. You lost her weeks before she actually broke up with you.

Three weeks into your relationship you realized she’d overuse the words ‘I love you’ like they’d become a mantra to her thoughts. She’d spill them over goodbyes that smell like coffee and summer days that are too hot and you’ll feel the words slip from her mouth and suspend into the air like all she’s trying to do is convince herself that she was in love with you.

You could have sworn her lips were sunshine on the coldest day of the year but now you’re left with the aftermath of burns splattered along your arms and neck where she left empty kisses and no amount of cold showers will stop your skin from peeling right off your bones. Don’t fight it. Don’t try to tear at the sunburnt flesh hanging from your body as if it’s the only part of her you still have. I read somewhere that skin cells need 35 days to replace themselves, and one day you’ll be left with a whole new body she’s never touched and hands she’s never held and you won’t feel her crawling under your skin anymore.

You can’t listen to your favorite songs anymore because you taste her name in every word she used to sing and before you know it you’re choking on bitter promises. Your tongue feels like acid in your mouth and it kicks off an all too familiar gag reflex at the back of your throat and you’ll need to hold your knees against your chest to stop yourself from throwing up. You’ll fall asleep that way and wake up with nausea twisting hurricanes in your stomach. But you’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.

You try to reread everything she’s written about you and you wonder if she had laced it all together with strings of vacant words. You lose yourself between every promise she’d scribbled down in her notebook like the lies took a part of you and threw it across your bedroom; a glass bottle shattered against a brick wall. Let her break your heart into a million pieces, but please don’t let her take the pieces of you away with her. Wait a few days and pick your pieces off the floor again. Wait a few more weeks and put yourself together. Darling it’ll sting like hell but the stitches will fade away and one day you’ll run your fingers over your body and feel whole again.

That first night the sky lit up when we kissed, you made me promise to never write our break up poem, and I think that’s oddly fitting because somehow I’ve lost all my words somewhere between your lips.

The six stages of losing her. // by rb (via rbcages)
  1. Respect your parents because no matter how many times you complain about them, they’re the one’s who have stayed by your side.
  2. Love yourself. I mean really, really love yourself. If someone calls you self-centered for being proud of yourself bend over and tell them to kiss your ass. You’re beautiful and no one should ever get the chance to make you think otherwise.
  3. You don’t need anyone’s permission to do what makes you happy. Go out and buy yourself dinner. Or expensive lingerie. Or concert tickets. Do what makes you happy and screw everyone else because at the end of the day it’s not about them, it’s about you.
  4. Take care of your mental health before you even think about trying to help others. I’ve built myself up too many times just to watch myself crumble over someone else’s loss. For once fucking take care of yourself, you deserve it. I promise you do.
  5. Surround yourself with good vibes. Life is too short for fake friends and mediocre conversation. If your friends don’t make your presence felt, leave. If your boss doesn’t treat you with dignity and respect, respect yourself and quit. Don’t waste your time and energy on people who won’t give you the time of day.
  6. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Don’t confuse yourself with the two. Alone time is good for the soul, but no one deserves to be lonely. If you see someone eating lunch alone, go sit with them. If you see a girl crying in the bathroom help her fix her make-up.
  7. Smile at strangers. It’s the little things that go a long way. You don’t know what anyone is going through. You never know what kind of day someone is having, and although you may never see that person again a smile can lighten their mood. You could be the difference in their day.
  8. Life always wins. Always. It’s gonna rough you up and it’s gonna be hard but you’re gonna be able to get through it. It’s gonna be hard to handle at times, but I believe in you. I believe you can fight back harder. You’re a survivor and if no one else believes you can do it, remember that I do. I believe in you. Believe in yourself.
  9. Love who you want, not who you’re told to. Don’t you ever give up on love because you’re scared. If you’re lucky enough to find love don’t you dare walk away from it because of someone’s close-minded opinion. Love is the most beautiful thing, it’s the closest thing we have to magic
  10. Relationships are scary. When you’re with someone you’re either going to marry them, or break up there’s no in between. Don’t give your heart away to just anyone, but don’t push everyone away either. Don’t let your past failed relationships control your future. Above all else, guard your heart.
  11. You don’t need to be saved. You don’t need a boy to sweep you off your feet. You don’t need to get in a girl’s pants to mend your broken heart. At the end of the day it’s only you, be your own hero. You can do it.
  12. You’re going to meet a lot of people, people you didn’t expect to meet and people you wish you hadn’t met. In the end each person was brought into your life for a reason. Don’t punish new people for the mistakes of those who have left. Not every person lost is a loss.
  13. It’s okay to fail. I wish someone would’ve told me this years ago. I wish I would’ve known this longer. So this is me telling you that no matter what happens, it’s okay to fail. Stop picking yourself apart over mistakes and petty little bullshit. Take a deep breath and don’t ever give up.
  14. Stop romanticizing teenage heartbreak. Stop glamorizing sadness, mental illness, suicide, eating disorders and self-harm. None of that is beautiful. Our generation will be raising the next one and I know for damn sure you wouldn’t want your eleven year old daughter counting calories.
  15. Telling someone to be happy will not automatically make them happy. You can’t snap your fingers and expect someone to stop being sad and smile. You need to learn that it’s okay to be sad sometimes and there’s nothing wrong with that. If someone is sad, be there for them don’t make them feel bad for feeling the way they do. Comfort them and eventually, in time, they will be happy again.
  16. Stop slut shaming. Judging a girl based solely on how many men she’s slept with is bullshit. Your personal life is no one’s goddamn business. Calling a woman a slut because she feel’s she’s ready to have sex and you aren’t is arrogant. Be careful, your jealousy is showing.
  17. You do not need to have your future planned out. We’re expected to know what we want to do for the rest of our lives while we’re applying to college. How could a seventeen year old possibly know what they want to do five years from now when they can’t even decide what they want for lunch. College isn’t for everyone. If you don’t want to get a degree, get a job instead.
  18. If you’re having a bad day and you feel like the whole world is against you, I want you to know that I love you. I fucking love you and I know you will succeed. Fuck everyone’s opinion of you, don’t you dare fall into the mindset that you don’t matter because you do. The boy you sat next to in biology, yeah he’s too shy to talk to you. The little girl you saw on the subway tonight, your smile was the first one she’d seen in weeks. You may never know how important you are to the world, to people who you’ve never even met. People like me. You’re destined for greatness, now go get it.

Eighteen things I wish I knew before I turned 18 (via unpoeticheartbreak)

this is very important

(via sawmestarttobelieve)

Don’t be slutty, don’t have sex. But be sexy. If you’re too sexy though and you get raped, then that’s you’re own fault because you’re not actually supposed to listen to us about being sexy, even though we tell you your value is derived from how sexy you are. If you get into a position of power, we will assume that you used your sex appeal to get there and not your brains and we will mock you even though we told you the only thing that mattered was your sex appeal. Make yourself accessible to me, but holy shit stop being so desperate and needy. Don’t be a tease. If we want to have sex with you, don’t friendzone us, even though we just fucking told you not to have sex.
patriarchy proverb (via stfueverything)
maybe it’s the way you called me selfish
when i begged to have your legs in mine,
you kept the cold out
but my hands still go numb at the
thought of hers on you
and maybe it’s the way you
promised forever that made me realize
you meant the scars on my thighs and
not your lips on mine
-but this is what i will never tell you;
you always bit my bottom lip too hard,
i’m starting to think you liked the taste
of blood
because to you, blood meant innocence
and you liked the way I’ve never been
touched by another set of dirty fingernails
and you never understood why I envied the
sun and how it woke you up everyday
as if the beams thought they were the ones
kissing you goodnight and calling you baby

-but this is what i will never tell you;
you used to be the reason that i breathed but
now his hands feel more comfortable on the arch
of my back than yours ever did around my throat
a year ago you said forever, now my name isn’t saved in your phone | fragilefuck (via fragilefuck)

In school they teach you
how to multiply 9x8
make you read Macbeth
and have you memorize the first 10 amendments to the constitution.

But they don’t teach you how to
stop loving someone who has
stopped loving you
or how to deal with losing
a friend to an unsaid goodbye
and a relative to a cancer that ate
away their brain.

At home I learned from my father that
alcohol can make as many problems
as it solves
but damn does it feel good
to let my throat burn instead of my heart
and to tune out the problems in my head
that I just couldn’t solve.

Because life isn’t 9x8 
and it isn’t the way authors describe
their characters in a story.

It’s those nights you lay awake
missing someone
wishing things could be different
and it’s the next day when you realize they can’t
and then it’s how you pick yourself up
after being down for so long.

I taught myself that.

(via ph-eeebs)